A Dream Come True

As Ayden has gotten older, the question of whether or not I would be going back to work needed to be answered. I have to admit, I was nervous about bringing it up to Sam. I knew that I really wanted to stay home, but, I felt bad asking him to carry the burden of providing for us all by himself! I have always felt a big obligation to help contribute in that way, I like to help and make it easier for him. However, I dreamed of staying home with my little ones ever since I was a little one! So, I finally mustered the courage to express my desire to stay home if at all possible. I was relieved at Sam's response, he fully supported my staying home if we could make it work! I asked if he felt stressed about having to go to work and all of that by himself and he said he'd have to go to work anyways and it might as well be for a good reason. He's so wonderful!

You have no idea how happy I was in the moment we realized we could make this work! I dreaded the idea of anyone else getting to raise my baby, even if only for a few hours. I hated the idea of not being the one she wakes up to, or the one that gets her ready for the day. I knew that if there was any way I could work it out, I wanted to be given the opportunity to give 110% to being a mom, with no distractions from work or from anything else. So, we waited until the end of the month to see how we were doing financially after all the bills had come out and all the paychecks had come in. I did the taxes early this year and when we saw the nice return we'd be getting along with the bonus Sam had earned from work for the year, we knew we could do this! So, I am now happy to announce that I get to stay home with my AydeBug!!! :)

I told my boss our decision and she was happy for me, no hard feelings. I went in to work the other day to show my daughter to my co-workers and I thought about how I had loved that job but I loved my new job even more! They asked if I was coming back and I told them no. I have to say that I was pleased when they all stated that they had called it, they said I was a "total mom" and they knew I would stay home if I got the chance. I take pride in being seen as a mom, a mom that would do anything to be home with her kids! It's all I've ever wanted. When I was young and I was asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, my answer was always, "a mommy." That desire never changed. Even when people would say I had to choose a "real career," that was the job I wanted. In this world, many people look down on stay-at-home-moms. They think, "that's not a real job" and "they're not contributing, they just sit at home." Well, I'm sorry to burst their bubbles but, being a mom is the biggest and best job any girl could dream of!

It's hard work. It's a job that never ends, it doesn't go from 9-5 and then you get the rest of the night off. You're constantly thinking about your little ones, even when you're supposedly "taking some me time." There are many late nights, many times when you lay your little one to sleep for them to just wake right up again. There's a lot of crying and a lot of diapers to change and your house can be a real mess most days. But, all of that pales when I think of my little girl's smile. When I see her sleeping peacefully or cooing up at me, it's all totally worth it. It's just like with my pregnancy. It was the hardest thing I had done up to that point. But, as soon as I saw my little angel, I forgot all of the pain and all of the discomfort because I had her. Now, I'm not saying I would be cool with being pregnant again right now haha but, man, she's just a dream come true!

After I made the call to my boss, I then went on to call my mom. She and I have talked about my kids since I was little. I would tell her that I had to be good so that they would be proud of me, and so that I'd be worthy of them (in little girl words of course). The closeness I felt to my children growing up kept me out of a lot of risky situations. They saved me time and time again and when I did make mistakes, they helped me fix them and get back on the path I needed to be on to find them. When I met Sam, I knew I had found their dad! That was a big deal for me, I couldn't just trust my children's lives into anyone's hands. But, he was the one. He was the man I could see raising my angels with! So when I broke down and told him how much I wanted to stay home and he responded with support and love, I knew once again that I really had found the right man for me and for my kids! Anyways, so I called my mom. When I told her the good news, she cried :) It's a dream come true for the both of us. She knows how much it meant to me to be able to be home, so we shared that wonderful moment together knowing that my biggest dream of being a mother and being able to be home with my kids all the time was coming true!

I love being able to be here with Ayden, to help her with whatever she needs. I love taking her around with me to clean the house and make dinner for Sam. I love bonding with her as we play and as I feed her. I love our bedtime routine together where I get to use that time to help her relax and ease into a nice, deep sleep. I love my husband for making this possible, for seeing how much it means to me and being supportive. I love the Lord for blessing us with the means to help us feel secure without my added income. I love my family for helping me realize that my kids come first and if I could work out staying home, that would be the best thing to do. I love my Ayden, I love her for making me a mom, I love her for being the angel that she is. I love that I get to raise my children in a beautiful home that is filled with the Spirit. I love my life and I love, love, love being a mom!!

Memories of My Time in Hawaii

Last night I started looking back on my time in Hawaii (where I went to college-at BYUH) and I decided I wanted to write down some of my adventures there! It was an amazing time in my life and I don't want to forget the silly and amazing things that made it so wonderful! So, here are some adventures of Hannah Atkin :)

• The first night I was there, they had a New Student Social at the flag circle (just a big field in front of the school with lots of flags) where they had jump-roping, a big circle of Polys playing volleyball (of course, cuz it ain't Hawaii without that!), frisbee, music, etc. I sucked it up at jump-roping, I just can't jump in to an already in-motion jump rope! :P

• My roommate was Japanese but had grown up in Brazil (apparently that's common). Her name is Shuhaylla Sakaguchi..for some reason when I got the letter telling me she was gonna be my roommate, my family and I thought she was gonna be a Polynesian. Shows how much we knew.

• I only went on one hike the whole time I was there! Lame, right? I pretty much worked anytime I had other opportunities to go.
• The hike I went on was up to Laie Falls! It was such a beautiful hike, Hawaii is all beautiful beaches and beautiful rain forest! Gorgeous. When we got to the falls, we decided to swim! Some of us hadn't brought swimsuits so we swam in our shorts and sports bras. Wouldn't be a big deal but there was one guy with us, Scooter. Luckily, there were other girls there to distract from me, helped me not feel so self-conscious.

• For Christmas, my brother Austin paid for a groupon for me to go sailing at sunset in Hawaii! So I talked my friends into coming with me! We saw whales right by our boat and the sailing at sunset part was awesome as well! That night we also went and got cheesecake at the Cheesecake Factory and made a WalMart run (those are rare)!

• Friday Night Sleepovers :) So fun!

• Toga Party: Mormon Edition! :) Root beer pong, stick-on tattoos, jello shots spiked with Sprite..need I say more?? ;)

• Oh! Kahuku Grill! The one place we could go to get normal, awesome American tasting food! They also had fry sauce! It was awesome! :) We had a lot of good times there, celebrating birthdays and having a farewell dinner there as well! Tears and laughter with good friends, doesn't get much better :)

•  The beaches at night are very cold and windy. Not exactly the pleasant night stroll you would imagine :) However, we did go night swimming on numerous occasions! I always stayed pretty close to shore because the ocean scared me enough during the day, let alone when it was so dark I couldn't see anything under me at all!
• I went net-fishing once. You have to go at night, stick to the shallow areas by a reef, with a big group to drag the net (it's a really big net) far enough out and to make noise to draw the fish where you want them. I was fine until I saw that we had caught a couple blowfish and some other little fish as well. They were right there by my feet!

• I wore through a few pairs of flip-flops walking to the beaches and to and from Foodland (Hawaii's grocery store and the only local hotspot you could get to by foot easily)!
• There were tons of stray cats and chickens all over the place!
• I went to class barefoot a few times and nobody cared! I love that about the chill environment of Hawaii :)
• For some reason, some of the sidewalks around campus were smooth, none of that stuff on them that provides traction. Well, it rains everyday in Hawaii..one time, as I was hurrying to Biology, I was carefully making my way along the sidewalks in my flip-flops. Well, without thinking, I hopped over one of the little moat/gutter things they have along all of the sidewalks and..zip! bam! I hit the floor, flat on my back, I was knocked completely breathless! It hurt so bad! It was embarrassing enough but a guy saw me and came over to ask if I was okay. Trying to seem cool, but unable to stand up straight just yet, I told him I was good haha The space between my shoulder blades would later bruise.
• My mom has connections there in Hawaii (she worked for Elder Hallstrom at the time, and he is from there and is over Hawaii), a few days into the semester I got a call from the President of the Polynesian Culture Center asking me to come see him. I did and he asked me what job I was looking to get there (I had gone to see about applying there a few days before), and he made it happen for me! It was awesome :)
• So, I worked as a Waitress/Busser at the BBQ Lunch at the PCC. I was the only white person there for most of the semester! 

• Many of the guests told me I looked like an Aussie! My friend Raife, an Aussie, told me I did too :) Pretty cool, right? I have always loved Australia!
• Asians have the weirdest sense of fashion! Most of the guests at the PCC are Japanese and it's like matching was just not okay for them! :P I asked some of my friends that were missionaries over there, and they really mismatch on purpose, weird huh?
• The hardest class I took was Statistics, no competition! I became good friends with one Makeli Christopherson because we went to the Math Lab (we joked about it being a Meth Lab that we snuck off to every night haha) for tutoring almost every night! We needed that much help. 

• One of the tutors took my friendliness as an indicator that I liked him and he tried to ask me out, I told him nicely that I wasn't really interested and the Math Lab became a little awkward after that, but still necessary! Luckily I only took it for one semester.
• Beautiful temple trips!!

• I finally went surfing a few days before I would leave for home! Unfortunately, it was a choppy day when we went and surfing is a lot harder than it seems in the movies! I was knocked off the board every time and could barely get up onto my knees! But, it was fun! Minus all the sand and being knocked around!

• I also finally went snorkeling towards the end and didn't think to put sunscreen on. So, just the back of my calves and the little strip on my back where my swimsuit rode up was sunburned! 
• The time I went cliff jumping off of Waimea Rock, my friend Kat totally face-flopped! She got a black eye! It's so sad because I had been recording it and didn't realize how bad it was, so in my video that I posted on Facebook, I just went right along and yelled for the next person to jump haha

• The field trip I went on with some new students from school was the time I bought my turtle necklace from the Swap Meet. I've worn it hundreds of times since! I love it!
• So many awesome beach days!!

• I attempted to go skydiving with a big group but it was too windy that day. So, on December 10th, I went back with a smaller group and we went! I went up in the plane with Mike Snow, Daniel, and other Mike (yes, people actually called him that). We went up about 14,000 feet and I was psyched all the way up! Then, when my jumper and I stepped towards the door, he asked if I was ready and I said yeah, we got to the door and I thought "oh wait! not ready!" But by then, we were already jumping out the door! I couldn't hear myself scream! It was freaking awesome! When he pulled the chute it bruised my hip though, I don't think I held my knees right at the beginning. After he had pulled it, apparently my hand was close to something and he told me if I touched that, we would die..those jumpers sure liked to joke about death! They had joked on the way up too haha

• I took an awesome class called Cultures of Oceania! We didn't do any homework, but instead we did performances and presentations. I learned a New Zealand dance, learned about Samoan fine mats, did a skit about the Kiwi Bird, and for our final (a food final) we made Samoan panikekes! They were delicious, we served them with liliko'i syrup! 

• At that final, I tried raw tuna (grossest texture, not much taste). Apparently a lot of Polynesian cultures like it a lot, some I met with like it better than cooked fish!
• One time, at a concert, after the performance of this Asian pianist, I thought she was so good that I stood up to give her an ovation! I was the only one up..I had to force myself to not drop down into my seat out of embarrassment. I made myself slowly sit down and my friend, Daniel, wouldn't let me hear the end of it! :P

• One of my favorite days there was a day right around Halloween. My friends and I helped a boy propose to a girl (we didn't even know them haha), we "broke into" the Little Theater and started watching MIB, it stopped partway in and we played football in and around the aisles with latex popcorn hands and a few of us gathered around the piano and sang hymns, then we all went to Angel's Shaved Ice for Halos where those of us sharing mine tried to keep the ice standing after we shaved it down to a skinny tower, I also took a massive bite so my friends could laugh at me while I got a brain freeze haha and Parker and Steve told embarrassing stories :) i.e. burping during a talent show solo, and snap pants at baseball ripping off :P

 

• Also around Halloween time we went to the Haunted Lagoon at the PCC! So fun!

• Hawaii is just so picturesque! Go outside, snap a picture, no filter and it turns out like this:

• Hitchhiking is very common in Hawaii and towards the end (the day of the Laie Falls hike) I finally did it! It was awesome! We all piled into the back of some dude's truck and he dropped us off near the school! It's awesome how it's such a casual thing out there, no big deal at all!

• I signed up for an art class thinking it was from 6:50-9:50 in the morning...it was at night! The first time I realized that, I panicked and tried to switch classes. No dice. So every Tuesday night, I had to go to that class and sit through 3 hours of tough art stuff (I had never taken an art class before). In the end, I enjoyed the class and made some cool friends but, man, I wish it hadn't run so late.
• Here's the story of me missing a flight back to Hawaii after Christmas break: I made the flight to LAX just fine. I had an hour and a half to get to my gate, and I thought all was going great. Then, about ten minutes before boarding, I realized that the number on the screen above the gate didn't match my flight number! I had asked someone for directions a while before and they had just told me to look at the computers. I guess I had looked at the wrong Maui flight because, without me realizing it, my airline was different than the one I had taken to get to California. So, I freaked out and asked where I was supposed to go. The lady told me I was in the completely wrong terminal. So I raced outside and down the sidewalk to come to find out that the terminals are VERY far apart at LAX. I didn't stand a chance. So, I got to the terminal in tears and a lady stopped me and directed me to the line where I would have to get myself put onto another flight. It was a good thing I had gotten $50 for Christmas because that's what it took to get me onto another flight to Maui. So, I waited in the airport for another 8 hours or so, bored out of my mind and with only nasty Burger King for food. Finally it was time to board and I was at the wrong gate, luckily this gate was much closer and I was just fine. Then, I made it to Maui, an hour later we left on the 30 minute flight to Oahu. When we got there, I called to see if my ride was coming..it fell through. Her car was broken down and everyone else I knew with a car couldn't come! It was sucky. I sat in the airport as long as they would let me, then they told me I had to go. So, I found one of those outdoor roofed areas, and I slept on a massage chair (not comfortable)! I woke up early the next morning to board the earliest bus that came to airport around 6. Then after waiting a couple hours for a transfer bus, I finally made it to the stop close to the school. I walked the 15 minutes to my Hale and quickly texted to tell everyone my adventure and that I had finally made it (yeah, I didn't tell anyone), then I passed out on my bed! It was ridiculous and I now hate the LAX airport haha
• I took a Modern Dance class. My teacher was Asian and she had very long hair that she would tie in a loose knot up on top of her head. Every time she would show us a dance move, it would swoosh down and fly all over the place! It looked so funny, she was a hilarious lady!
• I had the best Jamba Juice of my life in Hawaii. It was called like Gimme Guava or something. They are the only state that uses fresh guava and it makes a big difference! It was delicious! I wish I had discovered it earlier on so I could have had more of them!

• The only way to really get around the island was by bus, $2.50 each time (often, because exact change for that is hard to have, one would pay 5 bucks to get another person on and then the next time that person would pay the 5 bucks to pay them back). It took a while to get where you wanted to go and you had to be careful not to miss the last bus of the night! We met many a crazy person on the bus! There was a guy tapping his toes together muttering about God or something, there were two high old ladies begging us to keep singing, there were some crazy homeless looking guys that we had fun jamming with, and plenty others!

• I only went on a few actual dates in my time there: my first was with Kevin Brown (kind of a blind date) to IHOP at the mall in Kaneohe, Steve took me to Hukilau Cafe early one morning, my friend Will (from the institute class I hated) took my friend Makeli (she went on a blind date with his friend Taylor) and me miniature golfing and to an awesome Korean BBQ joint at the Kaneohe mall where we got plates of raw meat that we grilled on little circular grills in the middle of our table! So cool :)

• I found out that I like Kimchi (A Korean dish made of vegetables, such as cabbage or radishes, that are salted, seasoned, and stored in sealed containers to undergo lactic acid fermentation). Basically it's just spicy cabbage!
• On Prince Kuhio Day we went to the Waikiki zoo and a tiny aquarium that was not worth the money! 
• Sunset Beach is rightly named, it has the best sunsets in Hawaii! I also missed a surfing competition there because of class and that sucked!

• A month or so before the end of Winter Semester, it flooded in Hawaii! Class was cancelled and it was awesome! Luckily, my Hale didn't experience any trouble but the girls Hales across campus (3 and 5) sure did! All those in the lower floor rooms had to get out and there were tons of people helping to get the water out. The field became a lake and a lot of people went boogey boarding on the grass :) There were pictures on the web of people paddle-boarding to work haha oh, and, we didn't have to go to work! At least I didn't :)
• I tried to do History homework on the beach once and it was nice but I don't think it was a very efficient way to get much done. Too distracting and windy :)
• I only sunburned on one occasion while in Hawaii! If you know me, you'll understand why that's a shock! I also only applied sunscreen like once or twice, so, even more of a shock!
• Our school didn't have a football team, but we sure went to a lot of basketball games! We were part of the Jet Chang fan club :P We were ridiculously silly and would always cheer "Cha Chang!" whenever he would make a basket haha

• My friends and I got tickets to the BYU vs. UH football game in town! It was way fun! We had rented some of the school vans and gotten Leticia's mom's van to get out there!

• It only takes about 2 hours to get around the whole island of Oahu if you stay on the highway.
• During the 2nd semester, I got to going to the gym a lot with my friend Katelyn. She said I was her personal trainer because I beat both our butts with ab workouts :) She was my personal training in the swimming pool, I suck at swimming with technique! 
• I ditched my Physical Science class quite a bit, the teacher had a really annoying speech impediment and I didn't learn a thing in there! 
• I finally met someone who had been to Madagascar! He was a missionary there and they speak a cool language called Malagasy!
• I didn't really talk to my roommate much until the 2nd semester when she was concerned a guy was stalking me. We had fun talking about that :)
• Some of my friends ate musubi a lot and it disgusted me! It's seaweed, rice, spam and sushi. Blech!
• With our meal cards we got about $50 at the campus food store thingy. I used it for ice cream and yummy stir fry!
• The caf food was pretty gross a lot of the time but I'm sure it saved me money because groceries in Hawaii are about double the price of the groceries here in the states! So, it at least kept me fed because I probably would have just eaten Top Ramen in order to save money.

• A staple of my cafeteria diet, I had a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch with every single meal! Not exaggerating either.
• I dated a Samoan. It was a fling for me and I think I only stuck with him because his culture fascinated me. Sounds harsh but there it is. Their language is beautiful and I loved getting to go to their rugby games!

• 2 nights before leaving for home, I hung out in a field for a little while. The next day I found out that I had over 100 mosquito bites on my right leg and about 50 on the other! They turned very nasty and I wore pants for a long time after that waiting for the bites and scars to go away! 
• I finally got to go up Stairway to Heaven! It's an illegal staircase off of the freeway (it was closed in 1987 because of disrepair). You have to park in a neighborhood, get past a fence and hike through a bit of jungle, then get there early enough in the morning that you can sneak past while the guard isn't there, then you have to fit your way through a hole between the fence and the wall and then run to get to the stairs! Then it's like 4,000 stairs to the top! I don't know if I had just missed a few days at the gym or what but, that hike killed me! My friend Kevin was nice enough to go behind me to make sure I didn't fall too far behind haha At some points in the hike, if you let go of the railing you'd fall, it's that steep! There are a few resting spots along the way and they were heaven-sent! It's so high up that you're in the clouds and you can see all of the islands at some points if the fog is light! When we got to the top it was like 4 in the morning and my group was smart enough to bring a tent that we set up on the only piece of land on that small top that wasn't horribly muddy. We got a little sleep and then after sunrise, started back down! It was very slippery and kind of chilly. It was awesome! But, afterwards I had to go to work and after work my friends kept me up to watch a stupid Kristen Stewart movie that we put on mute and made our own lines to and then we went to Foodland to get ice cream! Then, finally, I got to go to bed and I slept til noon the next day!

• One time I remember laughing the hardest was when Steve and Parker sang Master the Tempest is Raging in pirate voices, sloshing their imaginary mugs of root beer! It was hilarious! 
• My friends and I held a few nights where we did our own "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" I wasn't very good at it but it was fun to watch!

• Another good time was when Parker, Sara, her friend from home, Kevin, and I made a bonfire on the beach and made a story where we each added a line and then we went back to the cage above the little museum on campus and played Chubby Bunny with a huge tub of Dubble Bubble! We then played some cards. This was after Sara, her friend and I got back from the Dole Plantation where I got a pineapple float in a cool pineapple souvenir cup! It was waaaay too much pineapple ice cream and I couldn't finish it.

• Culture Night was the bomb! Groups from every culture practiced for weeks to perform dances from those countries and it was so cool! My favorite was the Haka! I had a thing for Maoris at the time ;)

• My friend, Daniel, got me into Taco Bell. I had never liked it before, it always made me sick but, it was one of the only places to eat close to campus. That and Pizza Hut (and we had our fill of that too)! I always got the Crunchwrap and my yummy mix of mostly Baja Blast Mountain Dew, with a little bit of normal Mountain Dew! It was delicious! :)
• We went and saw our friend in the Sound of Music play, it was fun!
• We played a lot of Ninja in the 2nd semester and I got pretty good at it, though I never won against those crazies!
• Some of the place names I remember are: Kane'ohe, La'ie, Waimea, Kamehameha Highway, Kailua, Hale'iwa, Ewa Beach (where we had a Thanksgiving pool party by my friend's house that felt totally wrong for me, being from winter-y Utah and all), Hau'ula, Waikiki (where we went to the tiny aquarium at, it's too much of a tourist center for us to spend much time there), Honolulu (of course), Kahuku (where the football team is a big deal and every night they won, tons of cars would pass the campus honking their horns and making a ton of noise), Mililani, and Pearl City (where we went to the premiere of Breaking Dawn)!
• On the way to the premiere of the Hunger Games, my friend Leticia, who was driving the van, practically ran over a dog! It had me in tears, the poor thing!! A guy close by helped us get the dog going and out of the gutter, he seemed fine besides a little limp. So sad, hope he's still doing okay!

• I always dominated when my friends and I play Egyptian! 
• Everyone around campus either had a bike or a longboard! Seriously, or you just walked, like I did because the one time my friend tried to teach me how to longboard, it didn't go so well!
• The beach closest to the school is called Temple Beach. It's kinda rocky and the sand isn't so soft. Pretty early on we realized the better beach is just a quick walk north to the Hukilau Beach! Every time someone wanted to go there, at least one person would sing "We're going to the Hukilau, the Huki-Huki-Huki-Huki-Hukilau!" :) Lots of fun at that beach!
• Another cool thing I got to do was play tennis every Tuesday and Thursday night with Kevin, Parker, Sara and Makeli! I actually got pretty good thanks to the patience of Kevin and Parker! We played A-S-S which is a game where you stand close to the net and if the ball hits your square three times, every player gets a turn to try to hit your butt with a tennis ball from across the court! :) We had an awesome final night of tennis where tons of people came and played! One time when we were playing, Parker made a good hit and I tried to say "impressive" and "attractive" at the same time and I called him "Impractive" :) It became a fun inside joke after that, every time you make an awesome hit or point, you're just dang impractive!

There are tons of other memories, but these are just some that came to the top of the list! It was a blast living in Hawaii for that year! I made so many friends and had tons of cool adventures! It was an amazing experience to get out on my own, go to a place where I didn't really know anyone and just enjoy life!