Friday, the 13th of December, brought my nieces to my house to be watched while my sister and her husband went to Park City for their 6th anniversary. I had been in so much pain that day that I had prayed to have it stop, I knew I could not handle it for weeks like some women have to when they're in pre-labor. I told my Heavenly Father that I couldn't bear it any longer. My sister didn't want to burden me too much with watching them so she worked out other babysitters for that night and the weekend. It's a good thing she did too because at exactly the time my sister-in-law, Courtney, pulled up into the driveway to pick them up, I went to the bathroom feeling something wet on my garments. As I checked to see what it was, I noticed that I was bleeding. A lot. It wouldn't stop and I started to get very nervous. I started stammering Sam's name, not sure what to do. He asked if I wanted him to come in, I told him I didn't know. Eventually I let Courtney come and look at how much blood was in the toilet, I knew this wasn't normal. She told me I needed to go to the hospital, my mom and sister had actually told me the same thing earlier that day but I had said that I did not want to be turned away again, I couldn't take that disappointment again, and I was sure the pain was nothing to worry about. As we hurried to get out the door with a few things packed in haste, I had to get a pad on because the bleeding was not slowing down. Soon after we got in the car, I knew the pad was soaked as well. Sam called 911 and told them the situation, asked if we had time to drive the 20 minutes to our planned hospital (Ogden Regional) and we were told to go to Davis Hospital, as it was just an exit away.
When I hurried in through the Emergency Entrance and up to the window, I could feel the blood getting on my pants. I was more nervous than ever. My mind was racing. "Was my baby ok? She had to be ok!" Why wouldn't they hurry? Why are they making me stand here and talk like nothing's wrong? Just take me back gosh dangit! I need to know that she's ok!" Finally, they brought out a wheel chair for me and after the nurse pushed me into the room at an excruciatingly slow pace, I hurried to change into a hospital gown. When the next nurse came in to check on me, I had to call her into the bathroom because blood had gotten everywhere. I was trying to not freak out, I didn't want to cause any more damage if I could avoid it. She realized that the situation was obviously more serious than she'd been led to believe and she left the room to call my doctor. Sam called his mom and my mom (she was in a concert and he had to leave a voicemail) to warn them that we might be having the baby soon. After the nurse had made the call, she came back in telling us that Dr. Boheen agreed that my baby was coming that night! They prepped me for the C-Section right away. Sam and I both looked at each other, my mind was blank and racing all at the same time! He sent a quick message to our loved ones before going to get dressed for the operation room. It had all come on so quickly, all of the sudden, poof! I was going to have my baby that very night! As I struggled to keep myself calm through the contractions, the doctors and nurses explained to me what they were doing as they prepped the spinal block and got me all ready for the surgery. They told me the bleeding was caused by the placenta beginning to tear away from the uterine wall and if we had waited much longer to come in, some damage could have been done to Ayden. They told us that we were right to have come to Davis, as it was closer and our fast reaction time might just have prevented our baby from loosing blood herself! Sam stood in front of me while they swabbed alcohol on my back and tried to get me to focus on something else. He told me that he loved me and that we were going to have our baby soon, he told me I was being so brave and doing great and asked how I felt. Honestly, I had never been so scared/nervous in my life! I did not feel brave, that's for sure. I told him so, that I was scared to death but so excited to meet our daughter. They had checked Ayden's heart beat and she was doing just perfectly, to which I replied jokingly, "well, I'm glad she's fine!" haha but really, that's just what I needed to hear.
They gave me the spinal block and waited for the numbing effect to take place. When it did, they got everything else prepped. My doctor and her partner had arrived and her presence helped calm me a little as I asked basic questions about the surgery. Sam stood, watching it all happen and I would ask him every now and then what was going on. I could feel tugging and some pressure but had no idea what they were doing at any given time. He smoothly said "They're just prepping" a few times and I knew he was lying, and I loved him for it :) Suddenly, I heard a suction-y sound and I asked what it was, Sam simply said "it's our daughter" with wonder in his voice. The doctor brought her over for me to see briefly, she was so tiny and purple and beautiful! I began to cry, I had never felt so close to God. They took her away, with Sam following closely behind, to get her cleaned up and to check on all her vitals. She hadn't cried, she had just stared at me and in that brief moment, I fell in love. As they removed the placenta and stitched me up, talking about Christmas trees and other such casual things (just another day in the office, right?), I listened for the sound of my little angel's cries with earnest. When I heard it, I cried some more and the nurse was kind enough to wipe the tears out of my eyes, since I couldn't move and do so myself. He told me that she was perfect, a healthy 6 pounds 8 ounces, 19 inches, amazing for a 4 week early baby! I was so proud and overjoyed to hear that she didn't need to go to the NICU, she went into the nursery, healthy and strong!
I was wheeled into my room and soon was surrounded by our families! The procedure had taken a mere 28 minutes or so, with Ayden being born at 8:46 pm on Friday, December 13, 2013. Everyone, besides Chan and Court and the kids, was able to be there supporting us and full of love for the new little life in our lives! I had taken a bath earlier that day, trying to relax, and my hair was in a loose braid, I had no makeup on. Not exactly one of my prettiest moments but, I didn't care, because it was over, I would have my girl in my arms so soon! Necia came in and told me that she was perfect and I was filled with appreciation and love because I needed that. I needed to know she was doing well, that she was healthy and looking good. My family teased and tortured me as they got to go and see my daughter through the nursery window before I even got to really see her. That hurt a little. But, soon, a nurse came in and told us that they could bring her into us now! Sam and I asked for a quick moment alone with her and the others filed out. When they wheeled in that little plastic "crib," I was overwhelmed with a gigantic need to see my daughter! As the nurse handed her over, I about imploded with love! She and I stared at each other and it was as if I had never known a single unhappy moment because this moment cancelled them all out. This moment of pure, unhindered joy. As I sat in that bed with my daughter in my arms and my husband by my side, I had never been happier.
The rest of the night was filled with smiles and laughter as my family held and passed around the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen. I loved having my family there with me :) Necia had half-joked with me earlier that day telling me to at least not have my baby on her anniversary haha well, I did her a day sooner :) Apparently, they had been in the middle of watching the Hobbit 2 all the way in Park City when they got the message. They went 90 all the way back and were there so soon, that I had no idea they had even gone to Park City until later that night when they told me they had to get back! My parents had been at a Christmas concert in SLC, they had hurried out, picked up Austin from play practice at the high school and got there with treats for everyone :) Sam's mom was the first to respond to the news and all of his siblings and his dad got there soon after his text had been sent! Johnevan and his girlfriend Brianna came a little later to join in the merriment! Courtney was at home with the kids but her and Channing came in to see Ayden as soon as they could. Sam, Ayden and I are so blessed to be surrounded by such loving and caring family! We loved having them there and it was a perfect night that we will not soon forget!
The following days included an uncomfortable hospital bed, walks around the hospital trying to speed along my recovery, hard hours of trying to help my baby eat enough, lots of TV and constant interruptions from nurses, doctors, hospital workers and visits from family. It was nice to have the assistance of everyone in the hospital but after those 4 days, man, was I glad to go home and get a little privacy! I just wanted to spend a little time with my daughter without some nurse coming in to ask how the feeding was going or taking her to the nursery to mess with her a little more! :)
My mom was so kind to come those first few days to help me get settled. She picked up a "few" (if you know her, you know why there are quotation marks around the word few) groceries and helped me figure out how to comfortably feed Ayden. She helped me with dishes and laundry, and she constantly reminded me to take naps :) Without her, things would have been a lot harder I am sure! My husband was kind enough to ask people to give us a few days alone at home before visiting and I was so touched that he knew I needed it but wouldn't have asked that of people myself. I hate to disappoint others but I did need that. He makes life so much easier! He has tried to help with whatever he can throughout this first month! It's hard because right now all she really needs is food and a diaper change, a bath every so often, and love! He always offers to change her diaper when he's home and he's just full of the love! Sometimes, in my desperate aching for a break from feeding (my baby is a sucker and we've had some pretty tough days where she stays awake for hours on end just wanting me for that sole purpose, we are now working on weaning her a little and training her to take a binky in those hours of need) or a need for sleep, I've made him be extra quiet and not touch her so she can sleep. I hate to because he doesn't get as much time with her, so whenever there is a chance, I try to have him take her for a few minutes at least. She does love her daddy :) When she sees his face as he dances with her in front of the Christmas lights (yes, we still have our tree up because I like it as a night light and she loves the lights), she calms right down for a while and just stares, content. I love those moments :)
We love our daughter! Ayden already has so much personality and strength, everyone that sees her falls in love right away :) She could lift her head off my shoulder, the very day after being born! She smiles all of the time, though she doesn't know what it means :) My favorite feeling and sound is that of her breathing as she sleeps against me. I remember scheduling our C-Section and telling her that if she wanted a different birthday now, she would have to make that happen all on her own. Boy, did she ever! I can already tell that we have one amazing little girl on our hands :) I also know that the Lord prepared her to come at the time that she did, she came with no problems whatsoever. Besides the common signs of jaundice and a weight loss of 12 ounces in those first days at the hospital. She's more than made up for that now! She weighed 8 pounds at her 4 week well doctor visit and she has grown an inch, putting her at 20 inches! She gets the hiccups a couple times a day, just like she did when I was pregnant. It's silly and comforting and surreal to know she's the same little girl I had in me all those months :)
I have always wanted to be a mother, I thought of my children all the time. Ever since I was tiny! Thinking of them kept me from doing things that would disappoint them and that would disappoint the Lord and that would disappoint myself. They kept me true to myself and I love them for that! I always told people that what I wanted to be when I grew up was a mommy and now, my dreams have come true :) I will never forget that night when our Ayden Elizabeth Bartholomew made me a mother :)
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